


sonata pathetique.

by seokheartstan



Series: TSV Oneshots [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Mom i'm sorry, Musicians, One Shot, Relationship(s), Unbeta'd, twosetviolin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24968215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokheartstan/pseuds/seokheartstan
Summary: Brett is in love with him. Eddy can't say he feels the same.
Relationships: Eddy Chen & Brett Yang, Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Series: TSV Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862818
Comments: 9
Kudos: 53





	sonata pathetique.

_It's fine until it isn't,_ Eddy thinks.

It's fine until one day Brett, young and fifteen and stupid, comes to his house in tears because the girl he likes just said she could care less for him. He's a mess, shirt wrinkled and nose runny, dirt on his ankles from running all the way from school to Eddy's house. Anyone else would probably call it ugly. Eddy thinks it's endearing.

That's one of the few times he sees Brett cry. Between the two of them, Eddy's always been more of the crybaby, so this rare occurrence must have signified a really, really bad day. He doesn't see Brett cry again until a few nights after his audition to music conservatory.

"Do you think I'm good enough to get in?" he asks, looking for reassurance, for love. Eddy's gangly teenage body is awkwardly draped over his desk chair, posture indicating youthful indifference but his expression one of concern. He makes eye contact with Brett from where he sits on Eddy's bed. There's aren't enough words to describe how suited Brett is for conservatory, not enough words to express his dedication to his instrument or his passion for the things he loves. Eddy can't settle on speech, so he opens his arms and waits for Brett to make his move. The other boy practically runs over to him, buries his face in the crook of Eddy's neck and sobs. Brett melts into his embrace, and years later Eddy remembers shivering from the feeling of Brett's cold tears hitting his skin.

It's fine until it isn't. It's fine when Brett calls him a few months later, announcing that he's made it in. It's great when he promises Eddy that they'll be going to school together again next year. It's great when Brett makes Eddy forget, even for just a moment, that Eddy's parents aren't hoping for a medical student instead of a musician.

Brett makes Eddy forget. How could Eddy care about what anyone else's expectations, when Brett's are right in his reach?

It's no surprise on a cold October night that Eddy realises Brett is in love with him. Brett doesn't say it, but there's something there. Something in the phone calls, something in the way Brett places his words: a little bit flirtatious, but hesitant enough that they both could laugh it off. Funny how it should be so simple, but Eddy feels the ache in his stomach and the burning in his throat like the thorns of roses, choking him of what he wants to say. Brett calls him that night and tells him he misses him. The words fall with a heavier weight when Eddy says it back.

Brett is in love with him. Eddy can't say he feels the same.

Eddy studies hard, gets accepted into medical school. He gets accepted to the conservatory as well, and tells his parents he's going to pursue his dream. His parents tell him they're disappointed, but Eddy has a feeling that they always knew it was going to happen. His best friend and his biggest passion were at this school.

When Eddy and Brett see each other for the first time in person after a years' worth of yearning, it's reminiscent of that night after Brett's audition all over again-- the way Brett hugs Eddy hard, knots his fists in the fabric of Eddy's jumper, clings like a koala to a tree. The height difference is much more apparent than a year ago; the result of Eddy's recent growth spurt shows in full effect as he cards his fingers through Brett's hair as a gesture of familiarity. He hasn't felt this happy in so long.

The next few months pass like an odd daydream. The liberties of being an adult and the time Eddy's been spending with Brett at conservatory all blur together. It's too much and not enough, all at once. Eddy really wouldn't trade it though, because the way Brett smiles so candidly when Eddy says something remotely funny makes up for all the guilt he's been feeling recently.

They don't talk about what's going on in-between the lines. It's like skipping the grace notes in a passage, but some things are better left alone. Eddy reasons that there's no reason to open up a new wound, but it's the elephant in the room. Brett is still in love with him. He never confesses, but it's laced in all the little things he does for Eddy, such as helping him study for his tests and taking him out for bubble tea afterwards.

Sometimes Eddy thinks he could love him the way Brett wants. He thinks about it at night, wonders what it'd be like to spoon him at night (big or little?), wonders what it'd be like after a long day to hold him tenderly and wonders if it'd relieve him of his worries. He wonders if Brett also thinks about it, if Brett wonders how their weekend nights would play out or if he'd consider a kiss on the first date. These wandering thoughts usually end up with a sour taste in his mouth as Eddy tries to drown out the shame of unreciprocated feelings.

A particular girl in the strings department begins to catch Eddy's eye, and Brett, as usual, is the first to notice. He jokes about it, plays it cool, and kicks off conversations with a, "So, what was it? The hairstyle or the glasses?". Eddy laughs and tries not to say anything. He's not trying to break his best friend's heart.

Brett rarely talks about his interest in anyone. After the incident with his crush in high school, he hasn't mentioned anyone else. So on a March evening, when he brings up a boy from the woodwinds department, Eddy gives him his full attention. Brett says he's trying things out. Eddy understands. He wouldn't love him any less for it.

It's fine until it's not. It's fine until Brett knocks on the door of Eddy's apartment at half past midnight, tears running down his face and doing a miserable job of trying to control his breathing. Eddy opens the door and ushers the poor boy into his place. It's a hot, humid Australian night, but the tension between them sends chills down the nape of Eddy's neck, sets his nerves on fire with fear of what's next. _So this is the breaking point, _he thinks.__ There's no escaping whatever could happen now.

He tugs Brett to the kitchen table, sits him down and offers him a glass of water. Brett nods, still sniffling and gulping down any whimpers he could possibly make. Eddy notices the tears don't stop cascading down his cheeks.

When he sets the glass in front of Brett, the clink of it against the table rings louder than both the boys have been for the last five minutes. Brett takes a deep breath in, then chugs the glass of water as if he's trying to drown himself. Eddy has half the mind to take it away from him before he chokes on it.

It's fine until it's not. It's fine until Brett shoves his head into his hands, and in the most desperate, broken voice Eddy's ever heard says, "I don't think I'm worthy of love." His body shakes with his sobs, lets the emotion rip through his body and the tears cleanse him of whatever he's been feeling for the past three years. This is Brett's resignation, his quitting. This is Eddy's last chance to say something if he wants to. Brett is giving up on loving him.

Just like the night after the audition, Eddy finds himself speechless. There are no words he could piece together to tell him the whole truth, no amount of courage that could explain the countless nights Eddy spent awake thinking about them. Brett is giving up and Eddy can't find the words to keep their world together.

There's silence as Brett continues to cry into his palms. He won't show Eddy his face, turns away and curls in on himself as he weeps, throwing his glasses carelessly on the table as he rubs at his eyes, nails digging into his skin as he does so. Eddy comes around the table to face him, and kneels to be eye level with his best friend. This time, Brett doesn't turn away.

Ever so gently, he pries Brett's hands from his face, and just like that Brett's body goes from rigid to relaxed, sagging with exhaustion as Eddy cradles his face carefully and uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears. Brett opens his eyes and gives him a forlorn look, those puppy dog eyes that Eddy sees rarely. He suddenly feels like screaming in a fit of desperation, he can't stand watching Brett crumble in front of him.

The tears don't stop, but they slow as Eddy runs his hands through Brett's hair. In a sudden act of courage, he leans in closer to his platonic soulmate, notices the hopeful widening of Brett's eyes when Eddy cups his face to bring them into alignment.

He tenderly places his lips on Brett's forehead, and just like that, the dam of feelings bursts. A single tear slides down Eddy's face, but his lips don't leave Brett's skin, he doesn't stop holding Brett's face as they both shake from the volatility of this moment.

A gesture of love that reads more like an apology.

Eddy pulls back, watching as Brett casts his gaze on him once again. They're both still crying, but Brett offers a smile through it all-- a solemn little thing.

 _It will have to be enough,_ Eddy thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, another day, another fandom I'm now writing in. It's nice to meet you guys :) Here's some angst to kick off my entrance into the TSV community


End file.
